Then It Hit Him
by occasionee
Summary: Shinichi and Kaito get mistaken for each other with the worst possible timing… by the worst possible people. Oneshot, crack. Be aware of a very messed up DC/MK timeline.


Then It Hit Him

_A Tale of Sudden Unpleasant Realizations_

_Before the pale queen is released from the black knight's bloody embrace, I shall don her frozen stone of promise in her place. _

_Kaitou Kid_

Suzuki Jirokichi's wild guffaw rang across the halls as he feasted his eyes on the notice.

"He took the bait! Tonight he'll be MINE! _Ghrahahahahahaha_!"

"But sir," his servant began warily, "what makes you think he'll steal it tonight?"

"You simpleton! A total lunar eclipse is due tonight at 11:30 p.m.! It's expected to last for half an hour, which means he's got until midnight to swipe it or it's my victory!"

"B-but sir, what does a lunar eclipse have to do with…"

"Just who hired you?" the advisor roared. "The 'pale queen' represents the moon, the 'black knight' the eclipse, while 'bloody embrace' refers to the colour of the moon during the eclipse! You follow?"

"B-b-but sir, I thought you challenged him to steal your late mother's engagement ring, not some frozen st…"

"One and the same thing! The diamond attached to the ring is known as the 'Crystal Moon'! The Greek word _krustallos _can mean both 'crystal' and 'ice', hence 'frozen'! And what is an engagement ring if not a symbol of promise, huh?"

"I-I understand sir! I'm sorry sir!"

"Hmph. Anyhow, I'm putting the ring on exhibition at the Haido City Aquarium. I have a business meeting with the manager that I cannot cancel, and I doubt he minds extending the opening hours for one night, knowing the crowds that bastard will attract…"

The servant flinched. "H-Haido City Aquarium?"

The advisor glanced at him oddly. "Something wrong with that?"

"N-no, of course not…" He scratched his back of his head, laughing nervously. The advisor then descended into a long explanation of the intricate traps that he was going to employ to protect the ring. He didn't notice as the servant tiptoed into the corridor, a frightened look on his face – a face which Kuroba Kaito proceeded to dump into a nearby trash bin to reveal his own, positively horror-stricken expression.

"Oi oi, I'm not setting foot back in that building, not after that class trip of horrors! I guess I'll have no choice but to replace the ring with a fake while it's still being transported into the premises… I'll just drop a flashbomb or two down the chimney at midnight, and they'll be prompted to check the diamond's authenticity… perhaps not the most elegant or carefully planned heist, but technically I _will _have stolen the ring before the lunar eclipse ends – only before it even starts."

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"_Conan-kun, wake uuup!"_ Mōri Ran's voice sounded from the kitchen. _"You'll be late for school!" _

Edogawa Conan sat up on his bed, rubbing his eyes.

"We don't have school today, Ran-neechan!" he replied in a sleepy voice.

"_You don't? But there's something in the morning news that might interest you!" _

Conan wandered lazily into the living room and sat at the table. He listened half-heartedly as the newscaster struggled to hide his enthusiasm about a just-announced Kid heist tonight, and Ran put in comments about Sonoko's uncle, his newest challenge to The Magician of the Moonlight, and for some reason, an aquarium.

Normally, he would have been more than thrilled about getting to match wits with his favourite Phantom Thief once more – but today, something far more thrilling was dominating his thoughts. Haibara had called last night, to inform her test subject with a cryptic tone that she had a 'surprise' for him, and that could only mean one thing.

A brand new start in his life.

"But you _are_ coming, right?" Ran suddenly inquired. "Kid's Natural Enemy -san?"

"I-I don't know," Conan spluttered, awakened to reality. "I'm not feeling so good today…"

"Oh?" Ran leaned towards him to feel his forehead with her own. "Hmm… well, you don't seem to have a fever, at least. Get some lunch from Café Poirot, okay?"

"O-okay," Conan said, blushing violently.

"Well, I'm off," said Ran, picking up her school bag. "Do give me a call if you start feeling worse, okay?"

"Mmh!" Conan nodded. "You got it!"

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Hakuba Saguru idly picked up the teacup from his housekeeper's tray without taking his eyes off the computer screen.

"Bocchama, please, do get some rest. You haven't moved from that seat since yesterday evening… Are you even going to school today?"

"It's okay, Baaya," Saguru assured her. "I'm close to a breakthrough. I found two matching files."

"Matching files?"

"Yes. I conducted a genetic scan on a strand of Kid's hair, and was able to determine that he's a fifteen-to-seventeen year old male with a higher-than-average IQ, 174 cm tall and weighs 58 kg. I ran this information against a database of Tokyo teenagers, and it gave me two strong matches, but I can't get the second file to open…"

Saguru clicked the unresponsive file away.

"Oh well, no matter. I'm positive it's the first guy anyway. Seventeen years old, 174 cm tall and weighs 58 kg, with an IQ of 400… his face resembles Kid's too, as far as I can tell…"

"Who is it, Bocchama?" the housekeeper asked.

Saguru turned to face her with a smug smile. "Kudō Shinichi. A fellow high school detective."

"Kudō Shinichi?" the housekeeper echoed.

"Who would've thought? Anyhow, if I can find and arrest Kudō before tonight's heist, I doubt we'll have to worry about the Crystal Moon's safety."

"But I hear Kudō-kun went missing a few months ago, and is more or less impossible to get hold of."

Saguru frowned, then snorted. "Really? We'll see about that."

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With an idle snap of her fingers, Haibara Ai flipped a red and white capsule in the air. Conan caught it between his hands, a skeptical look on his face.

"I'm not joking," Ai assured him. "I completed the antidote last night. With that, you'll be able to return to your old body permanently."

Conan let out an incredulous laughter. "You say it so casually…"

"Well excuse me for not preparing parades and fireworks."

"No, no," Conan laughed. "Thanks a bunch, Haibara."

"Anytime," Ai said with a yawn.

"I didn't bring any spare clothes though, so I guess I'll head to my house to transform," Conan said and strode through the door.

"Well then, I'll come with you," Ai said, following in his wake.

"To say goodbye to your little guinea pig?" Conan snorted.

"Well, it is the end of an era."

Conan clutched the capsule excitedly as they walked down the street to the next door.

"So," Ai began, "are you finally going to tell her?"

Conan nodded, glancing at his watch. "She'll be home by the time I've transformed. This time I'm just gonna go ahead and say it."

"Learned your lesson about waiting for 'the perfect moment'?"

"Something like that."

"…How do you think she'll react?"

Conan shrugged. "To be honest, I think she put two and two together long ago."

Ai raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yeah. She's just waiting to hear it from my lips, I guess."

"…This is news to me," Ai mumbled, looking away.

"Come again?"

"…Nothing."

Conan opened the gate in excitement and ran all the way through the door, up the stairs and via the cupboard into the bathroom. He laid his adult clothes on the toilet seat, undressed, and with that, threw the capsule into his mouth.

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Saguru navigated his way through the second district of Beika City to finally stop in front of a large western-style house. _'Kud__ō__,' _read the kanji on the nameplate. Saguru eyed the house closely, his gaze falling on the second-floor window. Through the curtain, he could see the figure of a slender young man pacing around the room while draping a tie around his neck. His lips were moving.

Saguru snorted. _'Impossible to get hold of, huh… not only is he in, his accomplice seems to be too…' _

Glancing around to make sure there would be no witnesses to his rare violation of law, he climbed over the gate and strode towards the door, reaching for something clinky in his pocket.

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"So… aren't you going to take the antidote?" Shinichi asked Ai, drawing up the knot to his collar.

"No, I'm good. Be sure to report any side effects, and don't forget that you still need to lie low until this is all…"

Ai was cut off by the sound of the doorbell.

"I could've sworn I locked the gate…" Shinichi muttered, descending the stairs to answer the door. Not liking the sound of this, Ai pulled her hood over her head as she followed him downstairs.

Hardly had he cracked the door to a finger's width when he felt something click tightly around his left wrist.

"Good day, Kudō Shinichi. Or should I say… Kaitou Kid?"

Shinichi looked up from the cold steel ring now adorning his wrist, too stupefied to have registered the odd greeting. A blond young man with an arrogant smirk stood before him, holding up his hand triumphantly to show off the other end of the handcuffs.

"Well, this was easy," he said, pulling Shinichi with him as he turned to leave. "I have one question, if I may: how did you come to this?"

"C-come to what?" Shinichi echoed, pressing his feet tightly on the ground to stop his progress. "Who the heck are you, anyway?"

His captor turned to face him, his smirk broadening.

"Hakuba Saguru – a high school detective just like you. It's no use playing dumb with me. I know you're Kid."

"Kid?" Shinichi echoed in utter confusion. "As in… Kaitou Kid?"

Hakuba rolled his eyes. "Please! Enough with the act!"

"Look, I'm not Kid, okay? In fact, I've faced off against him several times…"_ 'As Edogawa Conan,' _Shinichi mentally finished his sentence, realizing with horror that Kudō Shinichi did not have an alibi for a single Kid heist.

"Oh?" Hakuba sneered. "Can you prove that?"

"Oi, Haibara, back me up a little, will you?" Shinichi turned to Ai, who by now was at the verge of bursting into tears of laughter.

"Oh, right," Hakuba said, "your accomplice…" He glanced at Ai over Shinichi's shoulder. "Oh never mind, it's just a little girl."

"Looks can be deceiving…" Shinichi muttered.

"Come to think of it," Ai began, "I don't think I've ever seen you and Kid in the same room…"

"HAIBARA!" Shinichi yelled.

"Hold on a moment," Ai said and vanished inside. Shinichi's hopes rose. Surely Haibara would be able to prove his innocence without exposing his secret identity…

After a while Ai returned with a large bowl of popcorn. She wiped some dirt off the doorstep, sat down, and grabbed a handful.

"Now continue."

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"I'm hooome!" Ran called as she entered the upper floor of the Mōri Detective Agency, holding the door open for Sonoko. "Dad? Conan-kun?"

She glanced around the apartment. "Dad's probably out on investigation… but Conan-kun…"

"Hm? What's this?" Sonoko said, picking up a piece of paper from the floor. _"I'm feeling better already. I went to Agasa-hakase's for a sleepover. Conan."_

"Geez," Ran sighed. "I hate it when he does that…"

"Don't you think it's odd, though?" Sonoko pointed out. "If he's feeling better, you'd think he'd want to go Kid-hunting…"

"That's true… there's something strange about him today."

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'_I swear this is the worst transformation timing ever,'_ Shinichi declared to himself. Heck, he'd thought East Okuho was pretty bad, but it was nothing compared to what he had gotten himself into now. Just moments ago, he could have opened the door as Edogawa Conan, insisted to this Hakuba moron that Shinichi-niichan couldn't possibly be Kid, kicked him out and changed back. But no, the bastard had to ring the bell ten seconds after he'd returned to his real body – permanently.

"Listen, Hakuba, right?" Shinichi began as calmly as he could. "Why don't you present some evidence in turn? What… whatever made you think I'm Kid?"

"This," Hakuba said, taking out something from his pocket with his free hand. "Look familiar?"

Shinichi stared at the Minigrip bag with a strand of pitch black hair inside.

"Kid's… hair?"

"See, you recognize it," Hakuba sang happily.

"Wait a minute, I only said…"

"I got this on your last heist," Hakuba cut him off, "ran a genetic scan on it, compared the data to that of millions of Tokyo teenagers… and ended up with you. Kudō Shinichi, 17 years old, 174 centimeters, 58 kilograms, with an IQ of 400…"

"W-what?" Shinichi cried. "Are you serious?"

Hakuba nodded, his smug smile unwavering.

"B-but… couldn't it just have been…" Shinichi stammered, genuinely shocked. This so-called detective had obviously escaped from the local lunatic asylum, but seemed to be telling the truth.

"Your Evil Twin?" Hakuba sneered.

"Call him what you like," Shinichi snorted. "Look, are you sure the machine didn't give you other candidates?"

Hakuba thought about the question for exactly a second, half-remembering the file that had refused to open on him.

"Positive," he replied casually. "There's no way it could be someone else, anyway. You're just way too perfect a match."

Ai choked on her popcorn, half-coughing, half-laughing it out of her throat.

"You still have no hard evidence," Shinichi insisted. "Until you do, you have no right to…"

"Okay fine, why don't we do it this way then," Hakuba cut him short again. "We'll attend the heist tonight, and see if Kid turns up. Of course, that still won't produce any real evidence, but please keep in mind that Kid has _never _failed to show up after sending out an advance notice. So why don't we make a bet: if he does turn up, I'll let you go and apologize. If he doesn't, you'll make a full confession and let me hand you over to Nakamori-keibu. How about it?"

Shinichi gaped at him, incredulous. This guy needed help…

"Look, as I was going to say, you had no right in the first place to cuff me to yourself, and I'll have you know that…"

"It's a deal, then," Hakuba declared, ignoring the suspect's immediate protest. "Now…"

He glanced at his watch.

"Still six hours before Kid's… sorry, _your_ announced time. I would kill for a cup of tea… say, you wouldn't have any gluten-free cinnamon crackers? I remember when I was at a restaurant in Venice last year, and asked in perfect Italian if there was any gluten in the antipasto, they assured me there wasn't and the next thing I know, I'm…"

Shinichi followed with little choice as the coeliac detective invited himself in, recounting elaborately the most terrifying allergic attacks in his life.

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"Bocchama, I think you should cancel it for tonight," Jii Kounosuke begged as he watched Kaito give some finishing touches to a perfect copy of the Crystal Moon. "I've got a bad feeling about this one."

"Oh come on, Jii, you always say that," Kaito said, not looking away from the fake diamond. "For the millionth time, I'm perfectly aware of the risks this job involves, but some things in life you just gotta…"

"I don't mean that little detective prodigy or whoever was chasing you down at the Clock Tower," Jii clarified, "much less Snake and his gang. But I can't seem to shake the feeling that this heist will go wrong even without their contribution."

Kaito narrowed his eyes. "You're awfully precise with your bad premonitions. You wouldn't have any Koizumis in your family, would you?"

"Bocchama, please, I'm sure we can think of an alternative reading for the notice and you can postpone the…"

"No!" Kaito persisted. "What could possibly be bad enough to compare to tantei-kun _and _Snake, anyway?"

Then it hit him.

"Oi… this 'going wrong' business… it's not going to involve any run-ins with… _fish_, is it?"

Jii sighed. "I cannot say, Bocchama. All I'm asking is that you take caution. Even if you are not planning on going inside, you _are_ going to be working in the immediate surroundings of an aquarium."

Kaito nodded gravely. "I'll be careful."

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While Hakuba was engrossed in sipping his tea, Shinichi leaned away from his hearing distance to whisper in Ai's ear: "Hey, Haibara… think we should just tell him the truth? You know, about my shrinking and…"

"I beg your pardon?" Ai said sharply. "That is absolutely out of the question, you know that as well as I do! We'd be putting him in grave danger!"

"You know, I'm not so sure I care about _this _particular guy being in danger…"

"KUDŌ-KUN!" Ai exclaimed in shock.

"Well, you know! We've already put in danger people I care about, like Hattori and my parents… What harm is there in adding in someone I don't give a tiny rat's ass about?"

Ai stared at him in deep reproach. "I can't believe you're actually uttering those words."

"Alright, already! I suppose you're right."

"Besides, you'll be clear the moment Kid appears against the blood red moon tonight, will you not?"

"Right… I just…" He looked away with a troubled expression.

"…Kudō-kun," Ai began with her trademark cynical tone, "don't tell me…"

"What?"

"…that you in fact _are _the Kaitou Kid."

"Hahahaha…"

"So," Hakuba suddenly cut in, "who _is_ this little girl? Your sister?"

"Wh…" Shinichi spluttered, then rapidly changed his tone, "right, right, my little sister! Kudō Ha…"

He was going to say 'Hana', the name he had made up for her at the Haido City Hotel, until he realized he had already called her Haibara.

"Kudō Haibara!"

"Haibara?" Hakuba echoed skeptically. "Is that really her given name?"

"O-of course!"

"Huuuh… anyhow, she seems to have been aware of your secret identity for some time, if her reaction is any indication." He leaned towards Ai over Shinichi's lap, smiling like you smile at small children. "You're pretty smart, huh, Haibara-chan?"

"I always suspected something was up with oniichan," Ai replied endearingly, mimicking Shinichi's Conan act.

"But after tonight, your oniichan will be going to jail," Hakuba reminded. "How do you feel about that?"

"Oh, we never did get along anyways!"

"Really? That's pretty harsh, huh, Kudō?"

Shinichi sat in agony as the wackiest conversation he'd ever had the pleasure to listen to flowed on.

"How old are you, Haibara-chan?"

"Seven years old!"

"Oh, so you're in the first grade?"

"Yup!"

"Are you going to be a detective like your oniichan when you grow up? Without the thieving side job, of course."

"Yes, it's always been my dream!"

"Maybe we'll work together someday."

"I'd love to, Hakuba-niichan!"

Shinichi reached out for his almost overfilled teacup, but as he was slowly lifting it to his mouth, Hakuba inadvertently threw his arm in the way, spilling a cupful of scorching tea on Shinichi's light beige trousers – and another on his white shirt.

"You…!" Shinichi hissed as he stood up by reflex.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Hakuba apologized calmly. "No need to get agitated, just get changed and you'll be as good as…"

"Get changed?" Shinichi echoed in fury, holding up his cuffed arm. "With these on? H…how?"

Hakuba stared at the cuffs. "Yes… yes, I can see how that would be a problem."

"Now look here, Hakuba, frankly I'm getting a little…"

"Here, let me," Hakuba said as he grabbed a kitchen towel and reached out to wipe some tea off Shinichi's crotch.

"I _can_ change pants, however," Shinichi reminded, dodging the gesture at lightning speed, "in case you didn't notice."

Hakuba stared at his pants. "Yes… yes, I see what you mean."

Tears jerked out of Ai's eyes as she coughed out half a cupful of her tea.

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As the clock approached 11 p.m., the crowd outside the Haido City Aquarium grew thicker by the second. Sonoko navigated her way through the masses towards Ran.

"They're not letting people in yet," she said, shaking her head. "It seems they're only just starting to transport the ring into the aquarium."

"Your uncle must be very excited about tonight," Ran commented.

"Oh, you should just see him. Anyway, can you hold on just a little while longer while I go fix my hair and make-up? Wouldn't want Kid-sama to see me all scruffy…"

"Sure," Ran laughed.

She lifted a lock of her own, slightly disorganized hair. It didn't matter to her if 'Kid-sama' should see her like this or not. If it were Shinichi, however…

A smile crawled on her face as she flashed back to their latest phone conversation a few weeks ago.

"_Yo, Ran!"_

"_Shi…Shinichi?"_

"_Who else? How's it going?" _

"_Actually, I have a bit of a cold… Dad just left to get dinner from Café Poirot, I'm in no condition to cook…"_

"_Café Poirot, huh…"_

"_Is something wrong?"_

"_N-no, not at all… I just remembered how much I like that place is all."_

"_Really? We should go there then, the next time you come over!" _

"_Eh?" _

"_What are you getting all flustered for? It's not like it's a date or anything." _

"_N-no, of course not…" _

"_Then it's decided! And, um…" _

"…_Yeah?"_

"…_You… you've got something to tell me, right? You know… the thing you're always trying to get out every time you come back…"_

"_Oh, that… ahahahaha…" _

"_Shinichi, please! The next time you come visit, just say it! Let's go to Café Poirot, order some tea and cake and get it over with!" _

"_Ah… uh, that's… I…"_

"_Please, Shinichi?" _

"_Ah… a…alright. The next time I come over, I'm just gonna cut to the chase and say it." _

"_R-really?"_

"_I promise. In fact, I couldn't have thought of a better place to tell you myself…" _

"_Huh?"_

"_Anyway, I gotta go. See ya!"_

"_W-wait, Shinichi!" _

Her sad smile broadened.

'_Shinichi… just when are you coming back to me?' _

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"Could you please walk a little faster, Kudō?" Hakuba grumbled as he, Shinichi and Ai neared the aquarium. "It's really annoying, practically pulling your whole weight with just one arm…"

"It's not like I want to be pulled!" Shinichi yelled. "You do realize I could get you arrested for kidnapping?"

Hakuba snickered. "KIDnapping indeed…"

"Argh!" Shinichi growled. "Okay, fine! It's a deal. If Kid doesn't turn up, I'll confess. If he does, however, you will not only let me go but promise to never accuse me of being Kid again, even if more 'evidence' should emerge. Are we clear?"

Kudō's sudden gain of confidence worried Hakuba a tad. Well, any tricks he had up his sleeve, he would not fall for.

"It's a deal."

Shinichi shivered. Had he just signed his own jail sentence?

"Now," Shinichi began, feeling the crowd's eyes on them, "would you please take these handcuffs off? We're attracting the wrong kind of attention."

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Shinichi glared at him. "If I win the bet, will you also apply for therapy?"

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Kaito glanced over the crowd for the transportation trucks.

'_Let's see… that big guy over there seems to be in charge, I guess I'll disguise as him…' _

He rummaged through his hoodie pocket for the fake ring.

'_They shouldn't be able to tell the difference until they examine it properly…' _he calculated, scrutinizing the ring one more time. _'Okay, I guess it's show-time…' _

"KUDŌ-KUN!"

The familiar voice made Kaito turn his head. Suzuki Sonoko, his number one admirer. Except she wasn't regarding him with her usual ecstatic fangirl face, but a reproachful, downright angry expression.

"Where the hell have you been? Ran's been worried sick over you!" She grabbed his arm in an iron grip. "Come on, she's just over there! And what's with the bed hair? You might wanna borrow some gel from me."

'_Ran? Mōri Ran? And Kudō… not Kudō Shinichi?' _

"Come on, Kudō-kun!" Sonoko commanded, pulling Kaito with her.

"B-but… Kid's announced time is in fifteen minutes and…"

"WHO'S MORE IMPORTANT, KID OR RAN?" she demanded.

"R-Ran of course…"

"I thought so!" she said sharply, entering the crowd with the reluctant supposed high school detective.

"Sooo," she then began teasingly, "finally gonna walk off into the sunset with the girl of your dreams, huh? Took you long enough, lover boy."

"…Huh?"

"Oh please, Kudō-kun, I saw the ring. Good god, that diamond alone must've cost you a fortune! Nothing too good for Ran, huh?"

'_Now wait a minute,' _Kaito thought as he put two and two together, _'she thinks I'm… that Kudō's… that I, whom she believes to be Kudō… am going to PROPOSE? To Mōri Ran? With…' _

He felt the fake ring in his pocket. _'…with this ring?' _

"Raaan!" Sonoko called cheerily from afar. "Guess who I ran into?"

'_This is not good…' _

Ran turned her head, and her eyes widened. "Shi… Shinichi?"

"That's right!" Sonoko sang. "Your husband-to-be! Dang, it sorta loses its appeal when you're not half-joking…"

"Huh?" Ran raised her eyebrows as they reached her side. "Now it's only 'husband-to-be'? Sonoko, haven't you always referred to him as my husband?"

Sonoko giggled evilly. "Oh, you miss it, do you? Well, you won't have to wait for long…"

"Huuuh? That aside, Shinichi…" She turned to Kaito, blushing slightly. "Are you… are you finally back?"

Kaito tried to see the trucks from this new viewspot while wondering what to say. They had already started moving.

"I… I guess I am! Ahahahaha! _Tadaima!_"

Ran wiped a lonely tear from her eye. _"O-kaeri… o-kaeri nasai, _Shinichi…"

"…A-anyway," Kaito began, pressured by Sonoko's frustrated hand motions, "I… I…"

"Yes?"

Kaito peered over the crowd again. The trucks had stopped moving. Apparently someone was suspected of being Kid, and not-entirely-painless face-checks à la Nakamori Ginzo were being conducted.

"I gotta go to the toilet!"

He turned to make his escape, but Sonoko swiftly grabbed his hood and pulled him over to whisper in his ear: "I'll see you wetting your pants before weaseling your way out of this one!"

"Yes?" Ran repeated.

"I… I, uh…"

Kaito twitched to signal Sonoko to let go of his hood, but that only made her tighten her grip.

"I wanna hear about _everything _that you've been up to in my absence!"

Sonoko shook her head, letting out a very audible sigh. Ran blinked her eyes.

"Everything?"

"Yes, everything! Leave out nothing, I wanna hear the tiniest of details."

"…Uh… alright," Ran agreed in slight bafflement. "Since I last saw you, I've been practicing for this year's prefectural karate championship… I've knitted two pullovers for Conan-kun and one for Dad, and I finally learned to make good almond jelly last week… by the way, the funniest thing happened when Mom came over the other day, saying she had bought some flowers for her balcony and needed to borrow our watering can because hers was broken. That, of course, was just an excuse to see Dad because hello, since when do you need an actual watering can to water your plants? Not to mention you can get a new one for 100 yen at the nearest 100 yen store. Anyway, as it happened, Dad was out visiting a client, and…"

Kaito watched from the corner of his eye as Nakamori-keibu underwent the examination himself, then proceeded to give the OK to continue the transportation. He listened in deep frustration to Mōri Ran's heartwarming story of a ray of light in her parents' marital crisis, hoping to sneak off unnoticed mid-flow.

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"…and you'll never guess what Conan-kun did then! He actually made the culprit drop his gun by saying there was a spider sitting on it! Can you believe that?"

'_Actually, I can… but that's not the point. The point is that I just missed my only opportunity to pinch the ring without having to enter the aquarium, and the lunar eclipse will start any minute now. And there's no telling how many stories of The Unbelievable Life of Tantei-kun I'm still gonna have to suffer through…' _

As Ran was busy recounting what had happened the following day, Sonoko leaned towards Kaito's ear: "What the hell are you doing, Kudō-kun? I should've known you'd lack the balls to actually go through with it…"

"N-no, it's not that…"

"Then shut her up and get it over with! They'll start letting people in like real soon!"

'_She's not letting me go until I do it, that's for sure… No, no, no! I can't! The guy's eventually gonna come back and learn his semi-girlfriend has been upgraded to his fiancée! He's going to freak out!' _

He glanced at his watch. 11:30. The lunar eclipse was starting, and the aquarium doors were opened for the public. Sonoko was facing the ultimate dilemma – should she go inside and wait for Kid-sama to appear or should she remain here and wait for Kudō-kun to get his act together and propose?

Well, the answer was obvious.

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"Would you look at that…" Hakuba chuckled as the clock struck 11:45. "No sight of Kid yet. I wonder what's keeping him?"

The masses inside the aquarium were visibly getting impatient, but even their intense desire to catch just a glimpse of the charismatic gentleman thief could not compare to Shinichi's.

"How the heck should I know?" he grumbled.

"Hmph. Gonna keep up the act until the very end, huh? Well, no matter. Because the end is less than fifteen minutes away."

'_That's plenty of time for the Kaitou Kid…right?' _

"Anyhow," Hakuba then began, "you've yet to answer my question. What possessed you, a renowned high school detective, to become a thief and commit all those disgraceful crimes?"

"I think that's something you should be asking yourself," Shinichi shot back.

"Actually, I do have a theory."

"Really? I'd love to hear it."

Hakuba gave him an amused smile. "I've read about you in the papers, Kudō. Frankly, you come off to me as quite the show-off."

'_Yes, because you're clearly the epitome of modesty…' _

"I can see how detective work would not provide you the attention you craved for…"

"Now I'm craving for attention?" Shinichi laughed. "I think you're confusing me with my mother."

"…because the papers would often focus on the tragedy of the case, not on the boy who solved it, especially after you'd been established as a capable high school detective…"

"Hey, are you listening?"

"You're like one of those idiots who go on reality shows to make a complete fool of themselves, only more original. Besides, as 'Kid the Phantom Thief', you don't have to share the attention with the rest of the contestants, and with your showy antics, no one even cares what you steal, as long as you spout your poetic lines all over the place while mysteriously pulling the cape over your face…"

"Oi. Oi!"

"The headlines will read, 'Kaitou Kid strikes again!', _not_ 'Diamond X stolen', therefore the focus is on you…"

"I get the gist of your theory, okay?"

"Just before I left to arrest you this morning, I did a little extra research, and discovered that Kudō Shinichi the detective disappeared from the papers not long after Kid's resurface… "

"Oh, right, I've been meaning to ask you about that. Do you hear yourself, Hakuba? 'Resurface'? How do you explain the Kid from eight years ago?"

"…to the point they started speculating about your death, which you naturally welcomed, since it served to drive suspicions away from you…"

"Hey, Meitantei? Since you're so smart, let's see you explain this whole 'resurface' business…"

"Oh, that reminds me," Hakuba cut him off once again, "who exactly is this 'Edogawa Conan' kid? He often came up in articles about you."

Lemon soda gushed out of Ai's mouth as she burst into another combined coughing and hysterical laughing fit – staining for the second time that evening the crotch of Shinichi's pants.

"Do you HAVE to be that short?" Shinichi roared, quickly grabbing a tissue from his pocket before Hakuba would do the honours. "Oh, the many joys of APTX4869…"

Hakuba frowned. "Apop…what?"

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"…I tried putting some soy sauce in it, but it didn't compliment the taste at all, so in the end I gave in and made some curry, because no way was I gonna serve Conan-kun that weird glop… but I did store the whole thing in the fridge and as it turned out, when diluted with some water, it actually made for a passable sauce for the leftover rice…"

"It's already 11:51, Kudō-kun!" Sonoko hissed in Kaito's ear. "11:51! For all we know, Kid-sama could have stolen the ring, teleported his way outside and is now looking for me! And it's all your fault!"

"Ahahahaha… you never know, he might've been delayed by unexpected obstacles…"

"Huh?"

'_Not to mention I never perform the same trick twice… well alright, for a third time…'_

"KUDŌ-KUN!" Sonoko grabbed his collar, pointing at Ran. "Please tell me I'm not missing this heist for lame stories of her cooking experiments!"

"Y-you don't understand… I just want it to be perfect…"

"You're proposing to her in front of the Haido City Aquarium in the middle of a Kid heist with the worst bed hair I've ever seen, and you want it to be _perfect_?"

'_And you arrived at that conclusion from seeing a stranger holding a fake diamond ring?' _

"Look," Sonoko raged on, "if you don't propose to her soon, then I will! And you'll be sorry when she says yes!"

'_Much as I'd love to see that, I'm running short on time…' _He looked at his watch. 11:52. _'Heck, I'm running short on time in any case!' _

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"_Ghrahahahahaha!_" advisor Suzuki laughed as the hand moved another minute in his golden Swiss watch. "Well, looks like the bastard got cold feet and backed out!"

He looked over the by now frenetic crowd, gesturing towards the various security contraptions surrounding the ring. "Not that I can blame him. _Ghrahahahahaha!_"

Nakamori grunted in disagreement. "With all due respect, sir… I bet those fish behind the glass frighten him more than do your pathetic 'traps'."

"Hmph," the advisor snorted.

"It's definitely weird, though…" Nakamori admitted. "You'd think he'd want to take a moment to perform a trick or two for his fans before stealing the ring… but it's already 11:55, not much time for that…"

"I'm telling you," advisor Suzuki muttered, "he backed out!"

"I've chased that guy for years," Nakamori insisted. "He did not back out."

Overhearing the conversation, Hakuba snickered. "That's the difference between me and Nakamori-keibu," he explained to Shinichi, who was still in the process of wiping dry his pants. "He chases you for years and learns how you work. I chase you for one day and retire you from work."

'_I bet when he hears about my arrest, the actual guy WILL retire just to spite me…' _

"11:56, Kudō," Hakuba informed with his trademark smirk. "I see you've grown awfully quiet."

'_I'm screwed… what the heck IS keeping him?'_

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11:58. Sweat dripped down Kaito's cheeks as he looked up from his watch. He had exactly two minutes to enter the aquarium, greet his fans and obtain possession of the ring. And here he was, listening to one of the scariest women in Japan describe the kicks she had used to win this year's inter-school karate tournament, while trying to appease her possibly even scarier friend, who was pushing him to propose to another guy's girlfriend.

Kaito gazed at Sonoko's whitened knuckles around his hood. _'The only direction is down… down on one knee. And he does love her, right? I'd just be helping them out a little, right? Maybe the guy himself DOES lack the balls to go through with it…'_

11:59. Kaito felt a surge of adrenaline rush through his veins as he took a deep breath, crouched down and almost slammed one knee on the ground. Sonoko squeaked, her grip of his hood coming loose.

"…I was lucky she didn't make me pay for her dental care afterwards…"

"Ran!" Kaito ejaculated, holding up the fake diamond ring. "I love you so much, more than anyone in this world! Please marry me!"

Ran stared at him, dumbfounded. By-passers were clapping, Sonoko jumping up and down.

"Shi…Shinichi…"

"Also, can you please answer like, right about now?"

Her beef red face slowly broke into an elated smile. She threw her arms around his neck, screaming with happiness.

"Of course! Of course I'll marry you, Shinichi!"

"Okay, great," Kaito said, pushing her away. "Now, to make this world a better place for us and our beautiful children to live in, I'm off to catch Kid. Bye!"

He swiftly put the ring on the third finger of her left hand, and off he went.

"Geez," moaned Sonoko. "Duty calls, huh?"

Ran didn't seem to mind. She was in another dimension entirely.

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"It's one minute, 24 seconds past midnight, Kudō," Hakuba informed. "It's time you threw in the towel."

Shinichi looked up at the wall clock to see he was right. He felt his teeth clasp together, and his grip of the drying tissue tighten, before he suddenly turned around and angrily threw it at Hakuba's face.

Hakuba removed the damp tissue from his face with great calmness and composure.

"_Veeery_ funny."

Shinichi sighed. The disappointed Kid fans were starting to leave. A bet was a bet; he had lost, and he sure as heck would have made Hakuba keep his word had he won.

"Fine!" he cried in desperation. "I, Kudō Shinichi, am the Kaitou Kid!"

Hakuba audio-recorded the confession, Ai videotaped it.

"Suspect arrested at exactly 00:01:45:08," Hakuba declared, freeing himself to snap the other cuff around Shinichi's remaining wrist. "Let's go find Nakamori-keibu. I'm sure he'll be overjoyed at your arrest."

He grabbed the cuff chain to drag the arrested high school detective with him yet again.

'_Damn that bastard,' _Shinichi cursed to himself. _'He sure picked a fine night to catch a flu…' _

"Excuse me," Hakuba stopped to ask a security guard, "where can I find Nakamori-keibu?"

"I think he went outside," the guard replied.

"Thank you."

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"Nakamori-keibu," Hakuba waved as he caught sight of him, "I'm pleased to tell you that I have arrested the Kaitou Kid."

"Huh?" the inspector uttered. "Then who's that on the roof?"

They turned their heads up towards the aquarium's roof. A familiar white figure walked towards the edge, his long cape dancing in the wind.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Kaitou Kid addressed the cheering crowd, "I am deeply sorry for the wait."

"Kid, you bastard," roared Nakamori, "you've got some nerve to show up late!"

"Late? Look again, Nakamori-keibu," Kid said calmly, gesturing towards the moon. "The queen is not free quite yet."

They looked up at the sky. The final stage of the lunar eclipse had yet to complete.

"Kid, you…" Nakamori hissed.

"So you _did _have a trick prepared," Hakuba muttered to Shinichi. "Don't worry, Nakamori-keibu, this guy is Kid, I'm sure of it. The one on the roof is either a projection or an accomplice. You hold on to him, I'll go find out which."

He shoved Shinichi towards Nakamori and marched off.

"Wait a minute," Nakamori said as he finally got a good look at Shinichi, "aren't you… Kudō Shinichi –kun? The high school detective?"

"Yes," Shinichi replied with a sigh. "That's what I've been trying to tell him. I'm a detective, not a thief."

"Don't worry, Kudō-kun," Nakamori said, glaring up at the roof. "I know that smirk. That's no projection nor an accomplice, that's him. We'll just have to get that Hakuba kid convinced so he'll set you free. Anyway, I'm going after Kid as well, so hold out just a while longer, okay?"

"_Haaai,"_ he uttered frustratedly, sitting on the bottom step at the front entrance.

"This is getting kinda boring," Ai commented with a yawn, fiddling with her video camera. "I'm going home to upload this on Youtube."

"O-oi!" Shinichi tried to protest, but she had already disappeared into the crowd.

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Having entered the building from one of the upper windows, Kaito ran through the corridors towards the main hall, trying not to look directly at the huge water tanks surrounding him. He got past the guards and advisor Suzuki's traps easily, and even managed to trick both the advisor and Nakamori-keibu into chasing a dummy. Just as he was helping himself to the ring, he heard approaching steps from behind, and turned around to see… Hakuba Saguru from his class.

"Well, well, well," the blond detective uttered with a slight laugh, "it would seem that you in fact _are _the Kaitou Kid."

Kaito stared at him. This guy was sort of slow for a detective…

"Indeed I am," he blurted out for a reply, "the one and only."

"Hmph," Hakuba snorted, "I guess I owe an apology to your Good Twin."

"Uh… what?"

"But before that," he started stepping closer, "I'm gonna have to ask you to hand over that ring and surrender."

"Ooohh," Kaito sneered, tossing up the ring and catching it in his opposite hand, "is that the worst you got?"

"No," Hakuba replied coolly, then suddenly dashed towards him, "this is!"

Kaito swiftly turned to take flight, but was greeted by a large glass wall, on the other side of which swam dozens, no, hundreds of massive, slimy, goggle-eyed fish. He managed with great effort to keep himself from fainting, but couldn't stifle a bloodcurdling scream.

"Ooohh," Hakuba sneered in turn, "not a fan of fish, are you?"

He glanced around the hall for something heavy enough to break the glass, and his eyes fell on the emergency axe.

"Take… this!"

He grabbed the axe off the wall and tossed it into the glass. A huge mass of water instantly gushed out, pulling along dozens, no, hundreds of massive, slimy, goggle-eyed fish.

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"Shi… Shinichi?"

Shinichi turned his head to see none other than Ran. He quickly pulled down the sleeves of his blazer to hide the handcuffs.

She walked over with slight hesitation, an odd look on her face.

"R-Ran! What's up?"

"…I thought you went Kid-hunting."

"Nah… I'm not in the mood tonight."

Ran smiled. "Is it because of," she lifted up her left hand, giggling, "you know, because of… this?"

Shinichi stared at the ring. "What the… what the heck is that?"

"The ring you just gave me, silly," Ran laughed. "The engagement ring. You must be wearing one, too. Show me!"

She rolled up his left sleeve to uncover not a matching engagement ring, but a pair of handcuffs.

"Shinichi… what… why are you wearing handcuffs?" Her eyes then fell on his shirt and his pants. "And did you actually change into _dirty_ clothes?"

"Ah, there was something of a misunderstanding earlier," Shinichi muttered. "More importantly… come again? Engagement ring? Who proposed to you?"

"You… you did!" Ran exclaimed. "Just now, over there!"

"I… I did not!"

"Yes you did! It was the most romantic proposal I'd ever heard!"

"What the…"

Then it hit him.

"Kaitou Kid! Of course! Ran! Kaitou Kid proposed to you!"

"Eeehhhhh? I'm engaged… to the Kaitou Kid? But I love you, Shinichi!"

Her sudden spontaneous confession left them both flabbergasted. Ran gasped at her own words, covering her mouth. Shinichi just stared, eyes wide and mouth open. They stayed like that for a while, until Shinichi slowly lowered his eyes and gave a warm sigh.

"About that…"

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Wet, exhausted and forever traumatized, Kaito tottered his way to the nearest metro station, advisor Suzuki's late mother's engagement ring in his hoodie pocket.

'_What the heck was the point of this heist… I actually had to propose to_ _Kudō Shinichi's girlfriend AND have a tankful of fish poured on my face just to get hold of this piece of junk, and I'm just gonna return the damn thing anyway…' _

He flinched a little as Hakuba got on the same car as him, until he remembered that thank God, the prick had no idea who he was.

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As Saguru arrived home, he went straight to his computer and opened the database of Tokyo teenagers yet again. Having saved his search results as a bookmark, he clicked on the second file, determined to get it to open this time.

He and Kudō Shinichi had struck another deal afterward – that neither of them would be pressing charges against the other. Having failed to capture Kaitou Kid even after inadvertently learning his weak spot and exploiting the heck out of it, Saguru had found the innocent detective sitting on the steps at the front door.

"_Hey, Kudō."_

_Shinichi turned his head to see a drenched, delightfully humble-looking Hakuba. _

"_My sincerest apologies. I guess you really do have an Evil Twin."_

_Shinichi snorted. "As much as I want to say 'apology accepted'… I'm feeling a sudden, violent urge to actually press charges against you."_

"_For kidnapping?" Hakuba laughed, his humbleness suddenly gone. "Not so fast, Kudō. Don't forget that I could just as well charge you with providing false information and thus hindering my work."_

"_Wh… you act as if you are the police!"_

"_Well, my father is the Metropolitan Chief of Police!"_

"_Oh yeah? My father's got friends in Interpol!" _

"_Doesn't change the fact that you gave a false confession!" _

"_Doesn't change the fact that you pushed me into it!" _

_This went on for a while, until the two agreed that it had not been any more justifiable for Hakuba to cuff Shinichi to himself than it had been necessary for Shinichi to confess falsely in the absence of hard evidence. _

"_So," Shinichi then began, "he got away, huh?" _

"_Yeah," Hakuba admitted. "But believe me, the guy's in for a hard time in the near future…" _

"_Huh?"_

"…_Nothing. So, anyway, I should probably remove those handcuffs now…" He rummaged through his pockets, his expression slowly changing into a sort of controlled, stress-free panic. "You know what? I think I dropped the key somewhere while I was chasing Kid." _

"_You WHAT?"_

"_And they've already closed off the aquarium… not that I'd find it in that chaos, anyway…" _

"_You have got to be kidding me!" _

"_Relax, I have a spare key back home," Hakuba reassured him. "Wait there, I'll be back in a jiffy." _

_And off he went, shortly hearing a distant voice from behind calling 'Shinichi'._

Saguru snorted. _'Kudō can wait, he's probably making out with his girlfriend right now. Who knows, he might be in no hurry to get out of those cuffs…' _

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"AZUSA? As in… Café Poirot waitress Azusa?"

"That's the one," Shinichi nodded, blushing. "I'm sorry, Ran… she was my first love. I've never met anyone as pretty and kind as her. I really meant to tell you earlier. You're still my best friend, you know? To be honest, I'm surprised you hadn't worked it out already…"

"WORKED IT OUT?" Ran yelled.

"Well, yeah… I mean, like that time you suggested we have lunch at Café Poirot the next time I come over and I went all flustered…"

"I thought that was because of ME!"

Shinichi shrugged with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Ran. We're going to elope and start a new life together in Argentina…"

Argentina. That was the last straw. She yanked the ring off her finger and threw it at Shinichi's face with a frantic scream.

A long, violent series of karate kicks, punches and everything in between followed.

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Saguru clicked on the database tab to see that the second file had finally opened. He enlarged the window on the screen. _'Let's see… Kuroba Kaito, 17 yrs, 174 cm, 58 kg, IQ 400…' _

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. _'Kuroba Kaito… where have I heard that name before?'_

"_Bocchama," _his housekeeper called from the corridor, _"please, it's time you went to bed! You are going to school tomorrow, right?" _

"In a bit, Baaya!"

Then it hit him.

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EPILOGUE

"Arrggh!" Ran growled as she landed the last punch in the middle of Shinichi's face at eight o'clock in the morning. "Just you wait, you jerk! I'm totally gonna wait for Conan-kun to become legal and we'll be a million times as happy as you!"

Shinichi, wriggling in pain and unable to move an inch, employed his least injured face muscles to form a terrified smile.

"A-about that…"

"What?"

Then it hit her.


End file.
